Crazy Ramblings of a Madman
by aflyonthewall
Summary: Has Jeremy finally lost it?


Apologies in advance for any au, made up backstory, etc. Tis' fan fiction after all..

Disclaimer: VD is not mine. Not even close...

Chapter 1:

"Jeremy. Wake up. Please wake up." Elena whispered softly as she stroked her younger brother's hair.

The events of the last few days had been insane. So many lives had been lost and she just could not bear to lose one of the lives that meant most to her. Jeremy. He was the only real family she had left. Despite the adoption revelation and later the new found knowledge that Jonathan Gilbert was her father, Jeremy is and will always be her brother in every way that mattered. And looking at him now lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to so many monitors and seemingly so lifeless, it was just killing her.

She got up to her feet and started pacing.

"How's he doing?" a voice said from the doorway as she turned to see Stefan carrying two cups of steaming hot coffee.

Stefan put the coffee down on the table as he met Elena's eyes and saw the utter devastation there and took her in his arms as she silently started sobbing. "Shh, its okay, everything is gonna be okay" Stefan said as Elena slowly pulled away.

"This is my fault Stefan". Elena said as she looked up at him with tear stained eyes. "He tried to kill himself! He actually wanted to take his own life and die!" Elena said shaking her head in disbelief through her tears. "I was too engrossed with all this craziness to take a step back and see that my own brother needed me."

"Don't say that Elena. This isn't on you. Not everything is on you."

"No. Stefan. If anything is on me. This would be it. I'm the only real family he has left. Since mom and dad's accident, I've just been too caught up in my own grief to really see what's been going on with him. I mean, other than my telling him about the adoption, I don't even remember the last time I've actually really talked to him. And we used to talk all the time". She said as she turned to walk to the window of Jeremy's hospital room.

"The Jeremy you know since you've been here, that's not my brother Jeremy." Elena continued wistfully as she faced the hospital window but unseeing as to the view before her. "The Jeremy I knew and grew up with was smart, funny, sweet and sensitive. Did you know he was a straight A student? He even has a black belt in tae kwondo." Elena said turning to Stefan with sad eyes.

"At least, for me, I have you, and Bonnie and Caroline. But Jeremy, he doesn't have anybody. The friends that he did have sort of abandoned him once he got into drugs. And me, I've been spending so much time at your place lately, I've just been oblivious as to what's been happening at home. Heck, I didn't even know he started seeing Anna again."

"I'm sorry Elena. I'm so sorry." Stefan said knowing that the reason why Elena has been spending so much time at the Salvatore's was because of him.

"No. Don't be Stefan." Elena said shaking her head. "I'm not blaming anyone for this but me. I guess this whole vampire thing completely blindsided me and I just got too engrossed with all that's been happening around it that I didn't see what was happening right in front of me."

Elena looked down at her brother's sleeping form on the hospital bed. "He was right you know when he said I shouldn't have made Damon take away his memories. Not only did I betray all the trust that we've built up throughout all these years by going behind his back but that was like trying to put a band aid on a huge festering wound. It was just a patch, a temporary fix, but it wasn't a solution. The only thing it did was it left a gaping hole in him that nobody can seem to fill" she said regretfully.

"It's not too late Elena." Stefan said reaching out to take her in his arms again. "We were lucky the paramedics got to him quick."

"I know." Elena said as she moved closed within Stefan's embrace at the same time shuddering at the thought of how close she had been to losing Jeremy.

The initial prognosis had not been good as tests had showed that severe damage had been caused to Jeremy's kidneys by the lethal dose of the drugs that were ingested. He was in the ICU for 48 hours as they tried to stabilize his vitals as the drugs made its way out of his system. But remarkably, within those 48 hours, there had been distinct improvements in Jeremy's condition which even surprised the doctor. In fact just today, the doctor had informed Elena that a more recent test carried out indicated that what they had initially thought to be severe damage to the kidneys were in fact minimal. He said that it was nothing short of a miracle.

Now almost 72 hours later, Jeremy was out of the ICU and Elena was allowed to see him for the first time since that eventful night. He was at the tail end of a drug induced coma and Elena did not want to leave his side for fear that he might wake up alone and confused. She wanted to be there for him. She needed to be there for him.

"Have you heard anything about Caroline yet" Elena asked looking up at Stefan.

"No. Nothing new since she got out of surgery. I'm actually going to go downstairs to see her for a bit. Do you wanna come with?" Stefan asked, although he was pretty sure what her answer would be.

"Maybe later." Elena said shaking her head. "Just keep me updated on how she is okay."

"Sure thing." Stefan said as he gave her a parting kiss on her forehead. "Take care and I'll be back soon".

Stefan had not been gone more than 10 minutes when she heard a small moan coming from the bed followed by fluttering eyelids.

She scrambled to her feet to stand by Jeremy's side and reach out to his hand.

"It's okay Jeremy. I'm here. You can wake up now." She said trying to sound reassuring as her heart pounded in her chest.

Confused brown eyes met hers as Jeremy blinked his way into wakefulness. "Hey there" Elena whispered as she gave him a soft smile as she tried hard to hold back her tears. "How are you feeling?"

"Wha..? What happened?" Jeremy said, his voice weak and raspy from unuse.

"Shh" Elena said as she quickly poured a glass of water and took a straw to his mouth as he began to sip slowly.

"Wait. Where.. Where am I? " Jeremy said confused as he looked around trying to make sense of his surroundings his brows furrowed together.

"You're in the hospital, Jeremy. You almost died" Elena said softly as a tear made its way down her cheek. "But it's okay. You're gonna be okay now. The paramedics managed to get to you in time…"

"No. No It can't be" Jeremy said as the heart monitor started beeping at a quicker rate. His brain was slowly becoming clear of the fog it was in and the events of that night played itself out in his mind. "No, please no!" Jeremy said as he shot up into a sitting position ripping the heart monitor wires attached to his torso. "No. No. No. this can't be happening!" Jeremy yelled as he somehow managed to get his feet off the bed pushing Elena aside as he reached for the glass of water and smashed it to the floor!

"JEREMY!" Elena exclaimed as she tried to hold him down. With all her might she put her arms around him to keep him from getting up and going anywhere as he struggled against her yelling for her to let him go.

"HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!" Elena screamed as she was pushed backwards against the side table knocking down the hospital night lamp. A nurse immediately came running into the room to see the commotion.

As if in slow motion, Elena watched in horror as Jeremy fell to his knees beside all the broken glass and took a sharp jagged piece and sliced his wrist deeply as he muttered incoherently to himself.

"No. No. No. Please." Jeremy said urgently his eyes wild with panic as he looked on at the deep cut on his wrist as the blood started flowing from the wound. Any pain he felt was completely masked by his feelings of pure and utter terror that what he had set out to do, did not work. He watched as the blood flowed… and kept on flowing… "Noo!" he said shaking his head refusing to believe that he had failed. "PLEASE! He sobbed looking down at the flowing wound as the realization hit him like a punch in the gut. He had failed! He did not die. The cut was not going to heal itself. He was still human …

"NOOO! He cried upwards to the ceiling awashed with grieve as tears started streaming down and as a fresh wave of anger and pain both deep within him and from the fresh wound he had inflicted, hit him like a tidal wave. Amidst the tears and the pain, strong arms were suddenly wrapped around him prying the jagged piece of glass from his fingers as he futilely struggled against them. "YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME DIE!" he cried through his tears as he glared at Elena who was openly sobbing in the arms of a nurse as she watched the incident go down. "YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET ME DIE .." Jeremy cried out between his own sobs and struggles as he suddenly felt a prickling sensation of a needle on his upper arms. "NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Let me go! What are you doing?" He yelled, increasing his struggles as he somehow felt a sense of dejavu.

All of a sudden, he was tired. Just so tired… He could feel his consciousness start to slip away as he looked at Elena with eyes filled with pain and tears, and with one final sob, he heartbreakingly whispered "Why didn't you just let me die…"


End file.
